Jellybean Escapes D.C., Seeks Representation

After what one could only describe as a tumultuous week, the Jellybean departed D.C. for the weekend and headed to an undisclosed family retreat away from the city. Still, most assume relaxation is likely not in the cards for this new focus of everyone's attention. As those close to young star continue to reel from back-to-back days of unauthorized photos being leaked on the internet, it has become evident that eschewing the public eye is no longer a realistic prospect for this budding talent.

The Bean Patch learned today that two of the country's top celebrity agents have already contacted the Jellybean and asked if they could provide representation. One industry insider suggested more suitors would likely come forward and described the prospect of representing the Jellybean as a "no-brainer" adding "at this point, I can't think of a bigger feather in any agent's cap than saying they had the Jellybean as a client." Our insider expects a decision soon and describes the sudden need for a vacation as "no coincidence."

Exposed: Graphic Photos Show Jellybean's a "She"

"Is there no end to the invasion of privacy!" one disgruntled fan shouted as he stormed from a makeshift rally for the Jellybean early this morning. Unfortunately, it appears the damage has already been done, as a second set of Jellybean photos were posted this morning on an underground celebrity gossip site. The posting comes just one day after a few out-of-date photos were leaked to the media.

Although the Jellybean has gone to great lengths to protect all aspects of her identity, these more graphic photos released today confirm that the Jellybean is, in fact, a young girl in hiding. Again, through a spokesman, the Jellybean seemed surprisingly unfazed by the recent developments: "She's a proud young modern American girl. She's not ashamed of the photos, nor should she be. I certainly think she would have preferred to have the pictures taken on her terms, but she feels they're surprisingly tasteful and artistic."

Another anonymous source close to the Jellybean was less forgiving. "The photos were unauthorized and should not be viewed as a harbinger of further information about her identity being released any time soon." The source did confirm that Jellybean was, in fact, a young lady, but again emphasized no further comments would be made at this time. "I think you vultures have learned enough for one day," the source barked at the end of the interview.

Early Jellybean Photos Released

Less than a day after the Bean Patch’s first letter to its readers, the internet was rocked by the distribution of a series of grainy photos claiming to be the Jellybean. While debate immediately ensued as to the credibility of these photos, the Bean Patch has confirmed through independent sources that the photos are, in fact, of the Jellybean. Our experts date the photos as being at least two months old, and most likely an inaccurate representation of what the Jellybean looks like today; nevertheless, it will surely renew the paparazzi’s insatiable appetite to snap photos of our newest celebrity.

The Jellybean was not directly available for comment, but, through a spokesman, said, “I just want some peace and quiet for Pete’s sake. I don’t understand why people can’t just leave me well enough alone.” An anonymous fan further emphasized the need for privacy. “Sure, it’s the Jellybean,” the fan said, “but I think the Jellybean’s in hiding for a reason. We all just have to wait until the time is right.”

Prologue: and, in the beginning, there was blog...

Here in Washington, politicians regularly debate when life truly begins, but such polemics are best left to other times and places. For our readers here, we instead reflect on where the story of our yet-to-be-born child begins. Perhaps this, too, is not so easily answered. However, for the sake of the ethereal space which is the internet, our chronicle (and, hence, this blog) begins today - just shy of the halfway mark of "our" pregnancy.

As D.C. is the home of presidents, black tinted-windowed Suburbans and secret service agents, it should come as no surprise that we put great importance on protecting the identity of our newest and greatest familial treasure. In this vein, we shall refer to him/her in a classically "inside-the-beltway" manner: with the codename "Jellybean."

As friends have shown with their blogs, this diary will most likely grow in frequency and interest as our little one arrives and grows in size and activity, but for the time being, we introduce you to the newest member of our family at t-minus 20 weeks (give or take a few). We'll keep you posted as waistbands increase and restful nights decrease and, more importantly, as our great anticipation builds.

Let the presses roll! For so, our story now begins...